Not Me Monday

My husbands first sentence to me this morning wasn't this: "They say you are what you eat. Well, I certainly don't remember eating a sexy beast?"

He has not made me laugh every single day of the 9 1/2 years we've been married.

I did not lock my daughter out of the house, unknowingly...for, um, more than a couple minutes.
Said daughter was not traumatized.

I do not have a son who has decided it is funny to end every sentence with the phrase ..."like a baby girrrlllll"

I was not thoroughly irritated at hearing this phrase for the 714th time in one afternoon.
Therefore, I did not start calling him a baby girrrrllll.

I never resort to immature and childish tactics in my parenting that don't elicit the desired response anyways.

Never.

I have not overburdened my middle class children with an oppressive candy tax and stripped them of all their chocolate.

I am not ecstatically excited for the election to be over tomorrow because it means I might be able to get on facebook and start liking people again.

Nope. 

Not me.