thursday thoughts (and worth your time)

It's been such a great week around here.

Funny how a little change of routine can make for a nice diversion from the normal weekly stresses. I have so enjoyed the 3 kids I've had...and this may sound weird, but I feel like they've enjoyed me too. I've been able to be the mom that I want to be all the time...relaxed, spontaneous, fun, saying yes more than no...

We went to the Zoo this week.

How perfect is this picture, right?!

Our first trip ever and it was lovely.

First of all, the weather was perfect, 72 and sunny.

Secondly, I went with a friend and her little ones and had a blast with them.

Thirdly, watching my boys in amazement over the animals was awesome! Eli especially has quite the interest in animals and it was so fun to watch him enjoying himself. Ezra liked the animals, but he really liked conquering the rocks along the paths of the zoo. Little Zoe did great too, even if every animal is a "doggie" to her.







I can't believe that tomorrow starts February.  January has seemed to inch along and fly by all at the same time.

I've read two blog articles this week that have really reverberated in my head. Worth your time to read, if you will:

What's the big deal about Caylee Anthony? over at It's Almost Naptime.

Brave Moms Raise Brave Kids over at Jen Hatmaker's blog.

Look what I discovered popping up in our front flower bed this week...

Spring is on its way, folks!

Happy Thursday!

the joys of (my) boys

Ella and Jeremiah took a train to Florida this week to visit with Jeremiah's parents who are in between trips to Haiti.

That means it has just been me and the boys and Zoe. Since Zoe isn't talking too much in understandable terms, my conversations have only been with the boys these last few days.

Only, the boys really don't talk all that much.

Here'a  list of some of the conversations we've had:

• The differences between a Ford Mustang and a Dodge Charger.
• How fast a Dodge Charger can go.
• What color Ford Mustang they'd choose if given the option.
• How fast a cheetah can run.
• How old they have to be to get a motorcycle.
• Where one goes to become a ninja.

There have been no fights to referee.
Or at least no fights to my knowledge as they must have been worked out and forgotten before they ever brought it to me.

Super Mario brothers on the Wii has been played more than normal.
I hear expletives like "Oh, MARSHMALLOWS!" when they lose.

Forts have been built.
Sofa cushions have been ridden down the stairs.
Projects have been undertaken.
Lego houses constructed.

There has been some frustrations voiced over my lack of paper airplane making skills and re-transforming a transformer abilities. What can I say, I'm still learning...

I love my boys.
Together they feel so easy, so uncomplicated.
(Individually they are another story...but that's another story.)

I pretend to be put out by their wrestling and messes and ideas and projects and for the love of all that is good and holy why did you think it was a good idea to put a ski mask on backwards and ride your scooter down the driveway barefoot?...

But truthfully I am so enamored by them I can barely stand it.

Better Together

I am so stinkin' excited to finally be able to write about what is happening at our church. I am pretty terrible at keeping things quiet...

I love my church.
LOVE.
For all of you ministry folks out there, you will understand this next statement: I would go to my church even if we weren't on staff there.

Baptism at Jordan Lake, September 2012

I feel as though it is a breath of fresh air...simple, focused, honest, accepting, and all about Jesus.

Starting in two weeks we are doing something that is so rare in the world of churches that I have never heard of it being done. We've looked for a book to help us understand the process and couldn't find one either...so maybe we will have to write one, ha!

We are joining with another church.

Not a merge or takeover...joining.

The Creek Church will be joining with Northwest Community Church and partnering with them under one building for the purpose of making Jesus more famous in our community and in the world.

Because really...why do the very same thing 2.6 miles from each other?
That makes the kind of sense that doesn't.

Two churches.
Not competing.
But working together on the same team for the same goal.

Better together.

For more info on our new location visit here.

someday up from underwater

I recently read a post from a fellow adoptive blogger friend that got me thinking about something that is constantly nagging in the shadows and cobwebs of my mind. It's about Eli and adoption and feeling that while we have come so so so far, miraculously far...we still have so so so far to go.

I'm feeling vulnerable writing this, as I don't want to betray my sweet son, and one day have him read this and stir up any unhealthy emotions. But then I realize what sweet promise there is in the idea I have of him discovering this one day...

He will have to be able to read this in order to read this.

Duh, I know.

But knowing his start in life and the academic hurdles we are crossing and going to be crossing in the years to come will someday (please God!) lead to him be able to read this himself will be nothing short of a miracle. A moment I will fall apart in and go to the ugly cry. Don't get me wrong about Eli...he is smart. Oh. So. Smart. But he missed every single building block one needs to build the foundation upon which one learns to read in his first three years of his life. No one read to him, sang to him, did puzzles or patterns or even played with him. Those gaps aren't made up easily and without effort. Momentous effort, I am learning...on his and my part. It sometimes feels as though we are inching through quick sand, uphill, barefoot, and dehydrated.

He will have to care about himself and his history and his adoption and me in order to want to read this one day.

And so, I attempt to move on and put to words the feeling that I'm just not able to shake about Eli and me...

I still feel as though I don't know him. 
Like really really deep down know him.
Like I want to know him.

I can look at Ella, Ezra, and Zoe and know them.
I know why they react like they do.
I know their whole persons, ins and outs and in betweens.
I know.
I just do.

I know more of Eli than I used to.
A lot more.
I even told Jeremiah that I really felt like I "got" Eli this Christmas when I bought him his presents...a ninja costume, a microphone, and a spiderman web-shooter. He really really loved(s) everyone of them. It was one of my favorite parts of the holiday...knowing I had finally got him a gift that was...him.

I know that he likes mexican food and superhero movies and playing with nerf guns. I know he is scared of the dark and doesn't like his hair combed. I know he has a fascination with elephants and won't hold an insect to save his life. I know he loves water and never ever complains about being cold or hot.

We've come a long, long way.

But there are still deep closed off places in him, places that he retreats to when confronted with any sort of reprimand or fear.

There are still reactions that I do not understand.

There are still check out moments that cause my heart to clench.

There are still gaps that I am unsure how to best close.

There is still so much I want to know about him. So much I long to know about him.

My friend said it best when she said it was like communicating underwater: both parties can see each other but there is a vagueness and inability to clearly understand each other.

I don't have a magic wand that I can wave.
Time does/is help/ing, but it isn't a cure-all.

Love is here.
The feeling and the choosing kind.

Hope is here.
Not the pie-in-the-sky kind, but a confident and expectant kind.

But reality is here as well.
The reality that it is going to take a lot...
a lot of time,
a lot of effort,
a team of support,
a God of miracles,
and a very very (very) patient Momma.

I just know that knowing him and hearing him above the water is going to be so worth it.

Our first day of getting to know each other. Ethiopia, 2009.

four is less than six, the cold, and adventures in humbling

I've had the 2 extra kids that I nanny for the last three working days. It went great (as they really and truly are the best kids ever!) but I am always amazed at how "easy" things feel when I go back to my normal four.

Who'd have ever thought I'd say four was easy?!

Oh my, it's been a wee bit cold here this week. Especially for North Carolina.
I am of the opinion that if it is going to be this cold it had better snow.

No matter the temperature, we always go outside for at least 15 minutes. Today we bundled up and I took the kids down the road to the park for 14 minutes and 36 seconds. I, of course, bundled the kids up, and forgot to bundle myself up. I couldn't bear the thought of those last 24 seconds and so we hightailed it early to the van.

It was worth it.
It always is.

Here are the kids before they attempt to race each other down the hill and fall and cry and have their tears freeze to their faces...

That might be a slight exaggeration.
About the tears freezing.
Not about the falling and crying.

The only one who didn't complain about the cold was Zoe. And I think it was because she was just so happy to be able to run free. We had just come from CVS where she had thrown a huge-embarrassing-oh-my-goodness-you-are-not-my-child kind of fit because I wouldn't let her walk. And I only wouldn't let her walk because I was carrying 2 gallons of milk and a pack of diapers and couldn't keep her from running away from me. Or from destroying their end cap displays.

Parenting is so humbling.

the need meeter reader

I have 4 children.
Who all need attention.
Some of those attention needs are easy to meet...an empty belly is filled, an itchy back is scratched, a scrape is bandaged.

Other needs aren't so easy to meet.
Or even harder, some needs aren't even visible for me to know to meet.

Because we all know how good kids are at accurately interpreting their emotions and then calmly voicing those needs to us parents. Pro's.

If I could invent a machine (after I invented a teleporter, of course) I'd invent a need reader that I could hook up to my child and show me that ________ has a need for ___________.

Just think of the scenario's it would help with:

Oh, you are scared of monsters in your room and that is why you'd rather pee in your bed than get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom! You have a need for a flashlight and an extra nightlight. Done. Problem solved.

Or...

There have been a lot of changes in your routine lately and you are feeling out of control and that is why you are clingy and whiny and want to be held at all times. You have a need for some stability and routine and normalcy...so lets say no to those extra play dates and appointments and hang out at home for the next week. Done. Problem solved.

Or the needs that my Eli has.
Needs that I don't feel like I am doing a very good job meeting.
The deep, dark, tucked away without a voice needs that were created because of early neglect and mistreatment that don't necessarily expose themselves in any way, shape, or form that makes any kind of logical sense.

Yeah, a need meeter reader would be a great help.

Anyone else want to help me on that one?!

My teleporter mock-up. "Off to Nana's you go..."

thursday thoughts

Thursday already!?
Anyone else?

Snow rumors in these parts of the woods do funny things to people.

Not to be a debbie downer, but I will probably poop my pants if I actually look out the window tomorrow morning and see white stuff on the ground. We never actually get snow when they call for it.

Jeremiah and I have discussed things and agree that no matter the hour, if there is white stuff falling from the sky we are waking our kids up and throwing them out in it.

I should probably be ready with the video camera for that, huh.

We have had a great week of school. Man, I needed a great week of school.

At the moment my boys are supposed to be "resting."
It literally sounds as if there is a herd of elephants bouncing off the walls of their bedroom.

Why do rainy grey days sap my energy but exponentially expand my kids energy?

Somebody enjoyed the mud puddles that all the rain brought!

I remember one babysitter that my parents used one time my entire childhood, besides my grandparents.

My kids have had three different babysitters this week alone.

I'm still deciding if that is a good thing or bad thing or a to be decided thing. I do know that I love that we have such a good support system for our family and kids. That is a blessing I don't take lightly.

Speaking of blessings...

Zoe learned how to say no this week. "NO, NO!" to be more exact as she doesn't really say it but yells it. Mostly at Ezra if he even looks in her general vicinity. The boy has gotta learn to give her some space. Especially as I think she might end up bigger than him one day and he will regret all the picking he did to her while she was still smaller than him.

Off to go round up a herd of elephants.

Happy Thursday!

life lessons found from the front porch

Find joy in just sitting. 

A birds flight is really worth watching.

Always sing. Loud. Even if you are the only one who hears the music.

If the door is closed, move on to the next thing.

Never. Ever. Lose your sense of wonder.

matchy matchy

While leaving the gym childcare room with Eli and Ezra this week, another mom stopped Eli and sent a warning look to one of the workers in the room, as she thought he was trying to escape the room and wasn't my child. She looked at him and said, "stay here, only kids with parents can leave."

I know she was well meaning, and quickly apologized when I explained that he was mine.

But if I'm honest, it made me a little bit angry.

As this isn't the first or second time that a scenario like this has happened.

It won't be the last, either.

My heart hurts for my son who doesn't look like my son and has to have it pointed out to him on a regular basis.

I can't wrap him in bubble wrap, stick some headphones on his ears, and turn his face away from every questioning look...

(even if it has been considered)

But we can talk about it.
Oh, how we can talk about it.
If there is anything that is consistent in all my reading and research on how to best handle these  issues, it is that I need to be the instigator of talking about it. Not in a highly-pressurized way, but in a natural take-advantage-of-the-moments conversational kind of way.

"Did I ever tell you about how you have your first mommy's lips?" as I apply chapstick on his lips.
"Do you ever wish that I matched you?" as I rub his back at night.
"Let's look through your Ethiopia books again"
"Lets pretend someone says you don't look like me...what can we say back?" as we ride in the car.

And I can arm him with not just my love, or his Daddy's love, or a heavenly Father's love... but the love of a fiercely protective brother and sister(s) who will fight each other to the death, but stick up for each other in a heartbeat and give the best "of-course-he-is-my-brother-can't-you-see-that-you-crazy-fool-look."

Besides, being all matchy matchy is so 2005, ya know.

lucky #7

No lie, I have 6 different posts started before this one.
Six.

Started, but not finished.
I just can't seem to wrap them up all nice and pretty.
And I really like things wrapped up all nice and pretty, ya know.

Instead, you will get the mess of mush emanating from what was formerly referred to as my brain.
You are welcome.

Zoe had her 15 month check up this morning.
Only she isn't 15 months. Or 16 months.
Oh well.
99% is where my girl is hanging out in the height percentile.
What in the world is up with my girls being so tall?

I took Ella with me as moral support for the Zooble only to have it backfire and Ella end up in tears over her sisters tears at the poking and prodding. So sad. So sweet.


Jeremiah and I went on a double date over the weekend and went bowling. Fun, fun. For me at least, as I broke a record of bowling my highest score ever. Not that I bowl all that much. Or ever. So it really didn't take much to break a non-existent high score.

Jeremiah...well, lets just say he had an off night.


Our double date friends were actually former students of ours. Students who are now grown. Married. Involved in student ministry now as the leadership.

Makes me so proud.

One of our other former students (and beloved babysitter) just announced her decision to move to Haiti full time as a missionary. You can read her story here, and perhaps offer some encouragement as she steps out in a faith in a big way!

Getting to see the impact of your time in a students life is an amazing gift. I love our life and what we do.

I made these oh my goodness so so so yummy chicken meatball teriyaki pineapple shish-kabobs the other night. I love me some shish-kabobs. Wish I could get my kids to be as excited about them as I am. 

We made it through our first week of a full school schedule last week. Some moments weren't so pretty, but we did it. This week promises to be better. 

And with that, I'm off to go print off some work sheets. 

C'est la vie, lucky #7 post. 

I actually finished it!

homeschooling: keeping it real

Sometimes we skip days.
Sometimes I yell at the kids.
Sometimes (almost all the time) I think "I can't do this."
Sometimes we just wing it.
Sometimes I think my kids aren't that smart.
Sometimes we call trips to the grocery store a field trip.
Sometimes we work on the same thing over and over and over and over because it just doesn't seem to be sinking in.
Sometimes I'm afraid I'm just messing my kids up.
Sometimes I just want to send them all on the magic yellow bus and call it a day.
Sometimes I really hate homeschooling.


And then...

Sometimes we work ahead of schedule.
Sometimes I get to watch a lightbulb go off.
Sometimes I get to snuggle with my kids and read and read and read to them, books that once delighted me as a child.
Sometimes I think "nany-nany-nah-nah" when I see that yellow school bus passing by and I'm still sitting in my pajamas sipping my coffee while my kids are still sleeping.
Sometimes I get to sit and paint with my kids while listening to Chopin and talk about things I am passionate about.
Sometimes we take really cool field trips.
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed at how brilliant my kids are.
Sometimes I really love homeschooling.

I just finished reading Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe (thanks for the loan, Tasha) and was especially convicted at how "together" I can sometimes portray myself to be regarding our homeschool.

I always want to keep it real.

And real means...

We have really really good days.
We have really really bad days.
And sometimes, we just have regular days.


Here's to celebrating the good days, learning from the bad days, and surviving the regular days.

photojounrnal: baby, baby

At 3 days shy of 17 months old, she is not a baby anymore.

(Although, she will forever be my baby)

But, what great care my baby is taking of her babies...

Makes a momma proud.

Let's do this, 2013!

I'm always so grateful for a clean slate every year, aren't you?!

I love January's, Mondays, and mornings...for the new beginnings and opportunities they present. The promise of God's mercies being new every morning is so incredibly amazing.

And my, oh my...how I need it.

I'll keep it simple and non-verbose this year.
Shocker, I know.
I'm a little late in posting these this year, but what can I say...Jan 2013 has started with a bang!

Here goes, my 2013 goals:

Read through the Bible again, continue to make the Word a priority in my days (and thus, my life).

Homeschool well.

Make a big deal out of our 10th anniversary.

Keep up my current level of fitness and push myself in new ways (run a 5k?).

Push myself to get better and better behind my camera.

Prioritize relationships over a ____________ (clean house, schedule, "me" time).

See, I told you I was keeping it simple.

Let's do this, 2013!

the Hambrick's rockin' new years eve (or not)

Ah, New Year's Eve.

It's always such an inspirational and momentous evening for our little family.

We started off our evening eating an organic vegan gluten free grassfed raw homemade dinner (1). A slight...ahem, discussion arose amongst the kids when I insisted they could not have four servings of green vegetables, but they quickly redirected their feelings into sweet family affirmations that lasted for hours (2).

We enjoyed the three part harmony of the older kids as they sang the night away (3), and especially reveled in the talent of our 16 month old who attempted her first pas de deux. She struggled a bit, but made up for it with an amazing arabesque.

What a calm and peaceful way to end such a calm and peaceful year (4).

Despite a few minor (5) mishaps, 2012 will go down as a glorious year in our history.

Jeremiah spent his abundance of free time this year reading through the entire Phenomenology of Spirit, where he especially enjoyed Hegel's refutation of Kantian idealism, history of consciousness  and quintessential explanation of the process of the dialectic (6).

The oldest three kids had an amazing year and continued to meet milestone after milestone earlier than most kids meet their milestones (7). They all three love literature from the romantic period, handcrafting wooden toys, and organizing sing-a-longs for the little children in the neighborhood.

The baby is no longer a baby and continues to amaze all with her above average intelligence and superb fine and gross motor skills...thanks to our strict adherence to our tried and true attachment-ferberizing-delayed vaccinating-no baby food-parenting method (8).

I have continued to thoroughly enjoy the day to day activities of motherhood (9) and even managed to slowly grow a successful (10) photography business while embracing the concept of simplicity  and still find time for myself and the finer things in life (11).

From our family to yours...

Happy New Year!

______________________________________________________________________________

(1) Chinese food...again. In all its MSG laden glory.

(2) The kids fought over who got to eat the extra fortune cookie and Jeremiah and I snickered as we mentally added  "under the covers" to the end of every fortune that Ella read out loud.

(3) We watched free Disney movies on netflix, gave 50% of the children a bath, and Jeremiah woke me up from the couch at 11:59 so I could ring in the new year with him.

(4) Only if calm and peaceful is code for totally unexpected and slightly confusing.

(5) The break-up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, 50 Shades of Grey, and tight pants.

(6) What the heck is free time? He is still majorly talented in quoting the entire Napoleon Dynamite movie if you are interested.

(7) Ella is turning into an emotional teenager at the age of 7, Eli already knows how to tune us out, and apparently 5 is the new 2 for Ezra. Or 16. Or tourettes syndrome. They all three love happy meals, Elephant and Piggie Books, forgetting to change their underwear, and throwing mud on the neighbors house. True story. We've totally sold out.

(8) Zoe can pick her nose while going up and down the stairs.

(9) Because who doesn't love refereeing numerous fights, wiping snot rockets, and cleaning up hundreds of toothpicks dumped on the kitchen floor?

(10) Only if successful is code for I'm obviously not charging enough because I am way busier than I thought I would be.

(11) You know, things like peeing in privacy, reading books without pictures, and occasionally walking around Target without a kid in tow.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Pictures of the year, final day

My favorite photo of the year is not even my photo.

The joy of watching your child choose Jesus and follow Him is unbelievable.

The joy of choosing Jesus and following Him is like nothing else this world could offer.

I love how this joy is captured in the face of both Ella and Jeremiah...

Ella's baptism at Jordan Lake, NC - September 2012

May your 2013 be filled with this kind of joy.
No other goal or resolution or achievement in 2013 will compare to the joy of knowing Him!

Jesus!

The reason and purpose and hope in life!

Happy New Year!