God came down

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him, Immanuel, which means, "God with us." Matthew 1:22-23

I found Djouna sitting behind the coconut tree.

Crying.

The ugly-I-have-lost-complete-control kind of crying.

Some of our kids cry. A lot. Over anything or everything.

Djouna is not one of those...

"Sa ga la Djouna?" (what's wrong)

More tears. And more tears. So I just scooped her up in my lap (she's not bigger than a minute) and held her while she wet my shoulder. She managed to stutter out the reason for her tears after a few minutes.

"I miss my mom."

And then I joined her in her tears and we cried together.

The promise held in the name of Jesus as Immanuel, God with us, is something I have never grasped the depth of until this Christmas. Until I held a sobbing girl who misses her Mommy who hasn't come for her. The only comfort I can offer during these interactions (because sadly, this is not an isolated incident...) is the comfort that God is with them.

It's not a trite phrase I throw out without thinking or meaning. It is a powerful promise that I can offer to these precious children that no matter what happens in their life...their God is with them. He's not far removed, uninterested, and uncaring. He is involved, a comfort to the brokenhearted, and a father to the fatherless.

I know this because it is true in my life.
In the hardest adventure of my life here in Haiti he has been with me.
Every hard moment and every joy filled moment...

As he will be for Djouna.

Djouna on a happier day...getting her excellent report card from school last week!

Pray for the kids here at the mission (and all over Haiti) who live with the reality of abandonment every day. Pray for their little hearts, that they might come to know just how much God is with them.

Jwaye Nowel!

No picture perfect Christmas card for us this year...

This is the best we had time to get, ha! At least we are all looking in the same direction.

But we did have a perfect Christmas here in Haiti, made complete with the bright smiles and excitement of our 34 kids! (pictures to come once I recover from this crazy pace of life...)

It may not have been "normal", but it was a truly special day!

Merry Christmas and love to all our family and friends! Thank you for all you have done over this past year to support us and enable us to be apart of this incredible adventure.

We love you all,

Jeremiah, Jennifer, Ella (8), Eli (6), Ezra (6), and Zoe (2)

not me monday

I did not step on a cockroach barefoot when going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
(that would be disgusting)

And I am not so accustomed to the nasty but ever present things that I didn't even react.
(that would be unbelievable)

My two year old does not come to me and proudly announce "it dead" after killing a roach/ant/spider/some other disgusting crawly bug.
(that would be bad parenting)

My husband did not chase around a terrified screaming friend with a dangling cockroach from his hand.
(that would be mean)

Nope. Never happened. Not us.

Thursday Thoughts

Last night my in-laws flew back into Haiti...scheduled to be here for the next several months.

Can I get a great big WAHOO please?!!!

They were here for the first 10 days after our arrival to Haiti, then were back in the US for speaking engagements and conferences over the last 3 months. I cannot express how excited we are to have them back here with us. My kids are over the moon.

They were welcomed back to this great country with airplane delays, a dead battery in their van, a rescue from their son in a van whose AC just went kaput, lost luggage...and a great herd of grandkids excited to see them.

I think the grandkids were the only redeeming part of their welcome back to Haiti, ha!

So, Christmas is less than a week away...

Let me just talk about the fact that it feels so weird that it is so close, and yet I haven't set foot in one store to shop, I haven't wrapped one present, I haven't sent one card, I haven't received one card, I haven't gone to one party, and I haven't experienced a day below 90 degrees.

We have made homemade decorations, decorated a gingerbread house, done daily Christmas devotions, made cookies, and listened to lots of Christmas music...so it does feel like Christmas.

Just Christmas without all the hype.

I love how life here strips away all the unnecessary and reveals the truly worthwhile.

It's been a busy week around the mission with exams going on, nanny meetings, staff meetings, and Christmas preparations being finalized for the kids. Our mission kids have three weeks off from school for Christmas break and we have been busy planning out the days to keep them busy and out of trouble and have some fun experiences together!

Happy Thursday!

photojournal: Wahoo Beach

When my family was here, of course we had to show them the beach!

Living on a Caribbean island, there is obviously no shortage of beaches to choose from...and this time we tried a new one (Wahoo beach for any local person that is interested) that was fabulous and kid friendly. Only about an hours drive out of the city, the beach was completely empty and we had our own private beach for the majority of the day.

I mean, seriously...can it get any more beautiful?

Ella and Jeremiah hopped a boat and went on a snorkeling adventure to a coral reef and discovered all kinds of fun creatures.

Zoe had a great time too. However, she is two. With a penchant for crankiness when things don't go her way.

I think this is the first time we have all sported a serious tan in the middle of winter.

Sanity is restored during these short breaks from the city.

The reminder of the beauty that is present in this country refreshes all our souls.

love well

Sometimes I lull along taking care of the needs here within Have Faith Mission, busy with making sure the kids are putting on their lotions and getting their vitamins and reading them stories...

Then an interaction happens and I am reminded and struck with the enormity of the needs here within all of Haiti.

I spoke with a mother yesterday who was in such desperate need that she wanted to leave her four kids with us. Her story is not unique; the father is deceased and she is unable to find work and feed or clothe her children. Unfortunately it is a story that is repeated over and over and over.

I cannot understand being in a position of desperation so deep that I would ever consider giving up my children.

But that is just it...I've never been in a position like that.

It is all too easy for me to judge when it is not my place to judge.

It's my place to love.

It's always my place to love.

There is no one size fits all application for loving in Haiti. Sometimes, loving means sending a mother who really wants to mother on her way with some assistance. Sometimes, it means connecting a mother with the right people to provide resources for her family to remain intact. Sometimes, and in the case of the 30 kids that have been abandoned by family that live within the walls of this mission, it is raising them in the best possible environment to provide a hopeful future for them.

My flesh wants to jump to judgement and even anger sometimes when I see the circumstances here. My lesson of the last three months continues to be...love well.

I have a never ending supply of love from the one who IS love, who also promises to provide wisdom for how to flesh out that love in a way that is truly loving.

Sweet Djulene...one of the ones we are called to love here within our walls.

catch up

Somehow I lost a whole week in blogging world. I was too busy enjoying the time we had with my mom and sister visiting. Sidenote: Haiti has been very good at teaching me the value of relationships over everything else!

We fit the highlights reel of our entire 3+ months of experience of Haiti within one week to share with my family...the mountains, the beach, our favorite local finds, and of course...our extra 30 kids.

First off, a day trip out of the dusty dirty city into the cool mountains...

He is in his happy place up in the mountains. Notice the long sleeved shirt.

Ezra found a trail...

Which led to this discovery...

What a view, huh! 

Unfortunately, Ezra's trail also led him to find a razor wire barb to the head. Head wounds bleed a lot and there was some initial freaking out. Thankfully, it wasn't serious and we all calmed down once we got the blood cleaned up. Oh, Ezra!

The favorite part of the adventure was time spent with Nana!

To say that we enjoyed our time with my mom and sister is the understatement of the year! The kids loved all the extra attention and snuggles and special treats they brought with them.

It was really hard saying goodbye at the airport...but we truly will treasure our memories made from the week.

Pictures of the rest of the week to come later in the week...

Open Up

It is within my natural personality bent to be a bit of an introvert.

And the older I have gotten I realize I may have some hermit tendencies.

According to a recent personality test I took (because lets face it, we all like a good egocentric evaluation of ourselves, eh.) I am an introverted harmony-seeking idealist.

Yep. Sounds about right.

That doesn't work here.

In Haiti, because we don't have AC, we leave every window open all the time to invite natures AC in, in hopes of cooling off the sweat dripping off the backs of my knees.

Where we specifically live, in Delmas 31, on Rue Ann #4, our house is literally feet away from our neighbors with just a concrete wall separating us. With their windows open. And actually, the neighbors to our right are "squatters" who don't even have windows, but just live in an open yard with crude shelters to sleep in.

This means we hear everything.
And they hear everything.

They hear when we discipline our kids. We hear when one of their kids is crying or when they fight. They hear when we sing the Sonic the Hedgehog theme song at the tops of our lungs because we like to watch Zoe dance to it. I hear them grinding their herbs in their mortar and pestal at 5am. They hear me washing dishes. I hear their gates open and close. They hear our showers running. I hear their buckets washing.

Ev.er.y.th.ing.

This sharing of a life so intimately with people...strangers, is far removed from our typical American life. We lived in a neighborhood setting in North Carolina and were close with many of our neighbors...but not like this. This sharing of those private moments, unfiltered, un-restrained, unembarrassed. It just is the way it is.

Sometimes I will be standing at my sink washing dishes and I can hear the woman across the wall washing her dishes. And I smile.

I am coming to like this sense of community that living a life opened up brings.

The thing about opening up is that I become free to be filled.

Filled with love for these people, with friendship and relationship, and a sharing in their community.



Haiti is destitute and corrupt and broken on so many levels. 

But they are rich in community.

They share their lives with each other on a much more intimate level than American's do. They don't close themselves off or settle for fake social media interactions.

I may never be an extrovert, but I am allowing myself to open up, to embrace this broken yet oh so beautiful community God has placed me in.

Thursday Thoughts

First things first...my Mom is coming, my Mom is coming!
This Saturday, along with my sister Cately, for an entire week!
Oh the excitement!

We started a new tradition this week of going for a family walk throughout the streets of our "neighborhood". The kids love the feel of adventuring, seeing new sights and people, and we are striving to be intentional about building relationships in the community...not just within the walls of the mission. When Zoe calls out a "bonswa" greeting to passerbys they absolutely light up and it helps break any cultural ice barriers.

The kids needed to stop for a break in the shade as it was hot, even on a December day...

It must have been completely exhausting for this little Zooble...



My favorite breakfast that we eat here in Haiti is the Rehma rice (a Food for the Poor packaged rice mix) and a hard boiled egg. For all those times that we participated in packaging these rice mixes in America, it is crazy to think I am actually eating this as a staple of my diet. And if you ever wondered if the food actually gets to the poor...I am living proof that it is a huge blessing to have as a resource to our mission kitchen...

Ezra loves Sonic the Hedgehog. Not sure why, but he does. He draws him, tries to run like him, loves any of his cartoons, and had a Sonic-themed birthday back in September. I came upon this creation he made out of Jenga blocks this week...

I love that crazy, exhausting, creative boy.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, even in Haiti. While it's not cold, we have a tree up, stockings are hung, Christmas lights on, and all kinds of Christmas preparations in progress. This is going to be the simplest Christmas ever for our family...and I am so excited for all the special memories we get to make, devoid of any stress or packed calendars. All our decorations are homemade or locally bought, but I don't think I have ever enjoyed decorating more!

Happy Thursday everyone! 

photojournal: Field Trip!

A couple of Sundays ago we took all our kids out of the mission for a field trip to a local schools playground and soccer field. 

Oh.my.goodness...it was so much fun!

Because our mission has its own school and church, our kids really don't get "out" very much. The opportunity to leave the mission and watch their faces as we drove through the city was awesome. That and the fact that cramming 30 kids (+ our family + 2 nannies + our Haitian directors family) into a couple of large vehicles is just simply a crazy fun adventure!

When the kids first started going to the playground they actually had to be taught how to use playground equipment...most had never swung on a swing or seen a set of monkey bars. 

Not this day! 

They knew exactly what to do...

Silly, giggly girls!

Sweet Widley

Eli and Nahoum have really become good buddies.

So have Apploste and Jeremiah =)

KeeKee decided to show off his hand walking skills...impressive!

Soccer...lots and lots of soccer was played!

To say they were tired at the end of the day was an understatement. Everyone was falling asleep at devotions that night, ha!

I love the opportunity to share in these fun memory making moments with these kids!

Beyond the face: Marc

Name: Marc (although I fondly refer to him as sweet cheeks in my head...)

Age: 4 years old today!

Favorite color: Green

Favorite food: Any and all! Did you see those cheeks?! Sidenote: This boy eats sloooow and relishes every bite. 

Likes: Playing with cars, Causing mischief at bedtime, music and dancing, and playing with the big boys.

Dislikes: He is TERRIFIED of a cute little stuffed monkey we have at the mission. (Its almost cute...only if I were twisted and mean. Which I'm not. So its not cute at all. Ahem...) Going to bed. Having to sit still or share his toys. 

He was thrilled to sit still for this picture, if you can't tell.

Marc is the youngest boy at our mission and loved by all. He has a very shy smile that will melt your heart...but don't let him fool you, he can turn four year old boy like nobodys business! He is masterfull at the limp noodle move. He loves loves loves to be included with the big boys and lights up when they give him attention. One of my favorite memories thus far in my life includes watching him dance one night...oh, he has got some moves!

And his smile...

We love you sweet cheeks Marc!

give thanks

Thanksgiving.

Our first holiday away from home.

It's not even a holiday here in Haiti, so life went on as normal at the mission as the kids still had school, normal meals, etc.  

And our household was down for the count with the nasty stomach bug that took all 6 of us with it. We feasted on saltines and chased them down with gatorade!

And yet, I have never been more thankful. 

Never more aware of the enormous blessings in my life. 

Our holiday was simple, quiet, and slightly green around the gills...

But we did manage to have lots of cuddle time, read books, decorate a Christmas tree, listen to Christmas music, facetime family back home, and laugh together.

Gotta love a picture of a blurry 2 year old. And shirtless boys. And a pj clad Ella. 

I haven't looked at one black Friday ad or watched one commercial. 

I read the words of Paul in Romans, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." and was reduced to tears during my quiet time yesterday...

This is my reason for giving thanks. 

My greatest blessing.

Which fuels all the other blessings in my life.

Saltines and gatorade, 

surrounded by family, 

secure in the love of my God, 

and humbly aware of how much I have...

This first holiday in Haiti was worthy of giving thanks over.

tile floors, homemade handcuffs, and hope...always hope

I was really hoping that we would avoid the whole stomach bug thing while living in Haiti...

Yeah, that didn't happen.

4 out of the 6 of us have had some fun times the last few days. The other 2 of us have been cleaning machines. Thank goodness for tile floors. And a washing machine.

This has also meant that we have pretty much quarantined ourselves to our house (our house is about 20 feet down the road from the mission) in the hopes (Oh, please please please God!) that we avoid spreading this bug to the mission kids.

Can you imagine?!

Anyways...the walls are closing in on me. I'm not gonna lie. Jeremiah and I have had our first twinges of true homesickness this week as we know of all the family holiday togetherness that is happening with Thanksgiving.

Nevertheless, we gotta keep it together for the kids.

I made a quick run over to the mission early this morning to put up a birthday banner, as two of our girls, Gina and Enolica, have birthdays today when I noticed an extra large amount of people gathered in the street around the gate to the mission.

And then I saw the man, sitting knees to the ground and face to the wall, with his hands handcuffed in a crude homemade version of police handcuffs. And I noticed the brand new electric wire dangling from the pole...cut off...and just dangling...and then I knew...

This man was caught stealing our brand new electric cord that we just had hooked up to our mission transformer.

The man was eventually taken to the police station...but who knows what will happen.

Never, ever, boring.

There is so much we are learning about Haitian culture. Like most things, the more I learn, the more I realize I have to learn. There is no easy fix to the issues we are faced with everyday.

But, there is hope.

Always hope.

Found in the kids who snuggle up around me as I read to them from the Bible every single morning. Found in Bianca's honesty upon finding a toy that wasn't hers. Found in Appoloste's questions about sin nature. Or Gina's pleasure in learning all her colors. Or Baboo's cheesy grin.



I hold onto that hope.

Especially on days where mountains of laundry pile up, sick kids surround, and I just want to go home for the holiday.

Be joyful in hope,

patient in affliction, 

faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

swiftly fly the years: Ella McKay turns 8

I first started this blog as a way to document Ella's growing up and this crazy mothering journey. And as an easy way for our long distance grandparents to see pictures and keep updated...

She wasn't even two at the time.

And today she turns 8.

Gone is the pudgy crazy haired two year old (party on one side, business on the other!)
She is all legs and arms and toothless grins these days.



Yes, people...the girl finally lost a tooth the regular way!
Only after months and months of wiggling....

Ella loves and is thriving in school! She is my bookworm and has spent all my money buying new books for the kindle. I kid not. (Amazon gift cards are a good gift idea for this one, ha!)

She loves to create "environments" in her play...spending hour upon hour turning old cereal boxes into houses for her polly pockets or animals. She loves card games, board games, or any kind of game. She loves pizza and cream cheese and crackers and still doesn't have much of a sweet tooth. She loves movies. She loves to stay up late and sleep in. She gets highly annoyed by her little brothers. She loves her Zooble. She doesn't like when our plans change last minute. She has a very clear idea of the way things should be done. She loves to help out in the kitchen and has taken on more and more responsibility on helping out around the house. She loves to play with the girls at the mission and is doing a good job at picking up the Kreyol language.

To say that I am proud of this not so little girl is an understatement. I have moments where I watch her and see her compassion and exuberance for life and genuine love for her Jesus and I just want to burst.

Of all of our kids, Ella had the most to "sacrifice" by our move to Haiti. She was just hitting that age where friends and peers were starting to become more important in her life and she has felt the loss of her close friends and family keenly at times. But she has allowed the Lord to fill in those gaps. I have seen her at her lonely moments and she has cried out to God...and he has faithfully turned her mourning into joy in the mornings.

As a mommy, it is always hard to watch your child struggle and to not want to run in and just fix it all for them. But so many times over these last 10 weeks I have felt the Holy Spirit tell me to just listen to her and allow Him to comfort her...

And he has.

Ella McKay,

You are something special. I love being your Mommy and watching you grow up into this beautiful young lady. I can see how you have allowed the Lord to work in your life and I am so incredibly proud of you. I enjoy you and love playing games with you...even if you beat me most of the time! I know that this big move to Haiti hasn't been easy for you all the time, but I am so proud to see how you have worked through those tough moments and what you are learning on this great big adventure. Oh, the stories you will tell! Keep pressing into Jesus and sharing his love with whomever he puts in your path. 

You are loved deeply and fiercely and forever...to the great big moon and back.

Happy 8th Birthday!

Love always,

Momma

Thursday Thoughts

Our school director has been back in the states since last week. This means that Jeremiah and I have gotten to juggle the school duties all week alongside everything else going on...which has made this week just one big blur. It's been a great week though and everything has gone smooth.

Except for the fire incident and near explosion and the nothing-short-of-a-miracle-miracle.

Yeah...except for that, it's all been good.

Ella turns 8 years old this Saturday!
(HOWINTHEWORLD?!!)

Zoe has decided that since she is the baby of the family and the last chance for us to experience the full depth of the tenacity of a two year olds terribleness...that she'd show us.

Fun times.

Too bad there is not a craigs list here in Haiti.
Or perhaps it is a good thing?

Good for her.

Ahem...moving on.

So about that fire incident...

I had walked over to the mission in the afternoon and noticed a lot of smoke billowing over by our school bathrooms. Now, here in Haiti everybody burns their trash and there is nothing special about seeing smoke...usually. This was A LOT of smoke. And it was in the very near vicinity of our mission generator and gallons of diesel and gasoline.

I walked over and noticed that not only was there a lot of smoke, but that the coconut tree was completely engulfed in flames. The coconut tree that has several branches hanging over the wall...right over the diesel and gasoline.

There is no 911 here in Haiti, so I did the next best thing. I called Jeremiah.

The sexiest first responder I know =)

At this point all our staff was gathering to try to put out the fire. We moved all the containers of fuel and got hoses run to put on it.

We also had the pipe that runs water to our bathrooms completely burst from the heat of the flames...in the exact spot that made it shoot water right onto the fire. Without that extra burst of water, it could have been a very bad thing. It was truly nothing short of a miracle.

Fun times.

I told you things are never boring!

I had to google when Thanksgiving was this year. I realized what the date was yesterday and then panicked because I thought Thanksgiving was today...and then calmed down when I saw that it is next Thursday. I tell you my sense of time and seasons is completely warped here.

We actually had a day last week where we only made it to 89 degrees. Positively chilly, I tell you.

Happy Thursday!

photojournal: baptist mission

About two weeks ago we took the morning to do what we had been promising our kids we'd do since before we came to Haiti...climb a mountain!

We didn't actually hike a mountain, but our trusty rusty old Chevy Venture got us safely up the mountain. Despite the narrow roads, hairpin turns, and passing water tanker trucks.

**Random Geography Fact: There are five mountain ranges in Haiti.**

I am not exaggerating at all when I say that when we rounded a bend and saw our first true view of the mountain, it was literally breathtaking...

Where we live is smack dab in the middle of the city.
Diesel fumes, loud noises, cars, motorcycles, and more fumes are what we are surrounded by all the time. All. the. time.

It was so refreshing to see the mountain, the countryside, and take a deep breath of cool, clean(er) air.

Our destination was the Baptist Mission, where they have a bakery, restaurant, playground, small history museum of Haiti, hospital, gift shop of local goods, and much to my children's delight...a petting zoo.

A rather pathetic run down one, but they didn't care!

Zoe loved the bunnies!

Our kids were so excited to play on a real playground again!

"Look, Mom...I'm a bat!"

She thinks she is so big.

Ella was still getting over that nasty virus (you can see it in her eyes) but she was a trooper and still had fun!

Thanks Allyson for taking a family picture =)

We'd love to take all our mission kids up to the mountain...and are working out all the logistics of getting them there. They would love it! 

The next promise we have to make good on with our kids...finding a waterfall!

beyond the face, an introduction, and Josue

I grew up in a big family, which has many upsides. However, one of the downfalls was feeling like I was seen as just "one of the crowd" by others. 

Just another cookie cutter kid...

I know my parents and family didn't view things that way, but I often felt like "others" did. A big part of my personal testimony was coming to the knowledge that God loved ME on an individual level. He knew me and was interested in me and cared about the uniqueness in me that he had created.

While I'm here working with this great big group of kids, one of my personal goals is to really get to know their unique sensitivities, like, and dislikes. I want them to feel like they are known and loved by us. Which opens up the pathway to talk about how much they are known and loved by their Heavenly Father. 

Not just another cookie cutter Haitian orphan...

Meet Josue:

Name: Josue (jo-see-yay)

Age: 6 years old today!

Likes: Jumping rope, being cute, swinging, making things, and pretending he is a ninja.

Doesn't like: The dark, waiting his turn for jump rope

Favorite food(s): Rice and beans, cake, and any kind of food I label a "snack"

What he wants to be when he grows up: A doctor

Favorite book: Where The Wild Things Are (he knows almost every word when we read it together)

Favorite color: Blue and yellow

For you created my inward being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14