thursday thoughts

We are in that fun stage of packing where there are only random food items left in the house but I refuse to buy anything from the store because we won't be able to eat it up before we leave. You know, when we eat hot dogs for breakfast and dinner is tilapia and tomato soup.

Yes, Nahoum thinks that sounds like a crazy dinner too.

We moved to Haiti with 18, 70lb duffel bags and 12 carry on pieces of luggage.
We are moving home with far less than that.

And for the life of me I cannot remember what I actually have stored in America.
(I blame it on the ant spray.)

Target here I come, eh.

Except that the idea of walking into a Target makes me want to hyperventilate right now.
All those choices and options.

When we came home for those 2 weeks in February I went into Target for a few things the day after we got in. And walked out without buying anything. It completely overwhelmed me.

I also had to tone my aggressive driving WAY down as I forgot that driving is not a war zone in America.

Here in Haiti my last trip to the grocery store required the use of my horn no less than 6 times.
I think we almost got in an accident 3 times.
True story.

You might want to stay clear of me if you see me driving those first few weeks.

I am fighting, fighting, fighting for control over so many emotions.
And ever so thankful for an understanding husband.

Speaking of husbands, for clarification because some of you have asked, Jeremiah is making a quick trip back with the kids and I (because I know I am NOT superwoman and cannot keep it all together on an international flight with 4 kids and all that luggage and customs and need his help to make it home without killing someone, or myself) but is returning to Haiti to continue our ministry at Have Faith Haiti Mission through September. So, even though the kids and I are coming home early, he will still be in Haiti for one more full month.

I was thinking about this upcoming separation and realized we haven't been a part from each other for more than a night or two in about 8 years. Yikes.

Changing subjects...

It has been a busy but fun week here. We've had a lot of packing and moving stuff to do, but we've also managed to fit in some special time with the mission kids. This morning we took all our book club participators out to the Apparent Project for ice cream and to pick out their very own for keeps book.

Ezra and Eli look thrilled to be taking another picture for their Mother. 

All the kids who got to go have independently finished 10 chapter books, and most of them have finished closer to 20. I am so stinking proud of them.

Happy Thursday everyone!

the truth about tarantula's in Haiti

They are real. And there is one alive in my house somewhere.

I wish I was joking, or lying, or anything other than telling the truth.

But I saw one this week crawl out of a shoe box in my bedroom as I was packing up my closet. It is way more than possible that I freaked out more than I have ever freaked out.

You know how people like to say "I almost peed my pants" when they are talking about a scary situation...

There was no almost about my reaction.

It looked very similar to the one in this picture, but I am not a crazy person who stopped long enough to take a photographic documentation of the demonic creature, so it just looks similar to this one...

The only redeeming aspect of this interaction with a tarantula is that when Jeremiah got home and I sent him to our room to go all Navy Seal and kill the sucker I totally followed him into the bedroom and pretended that I saw it on the wall next to his head and I got to see my husband freak out like I have never seen him freak out.

I might have laughed for a solid 5 minutes.

That whole evening I caught him looking at me with a new found fear respect in his eyes. I don't think he knew I had it in me to get him like that.

So there you have it...tarantulas really do live in Haiti. And if you start to notice that your cockroach population has diminished slightly...open those closet doors really really carefully.

memory monday

5 days.

New life. 

New stage.

 Again.

Although this time I don't know what is next. 

Maybe that is why I am taking deep soul comfort in the words of Jehosophat as he cried out to God in a moment of unknown...

We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.

2 Chronicles 20:12

one stop shopping

 I have to admit I was surprised by the thought that went into the apostrophe placement =)

thursday thoughts

We are in the single digits as of today.

I'm one third giddy with excitement, one third sad with all we leave behind,  and one third nervous to repatriate into American society. I vacillate between the three on a minute by minute basis.

This week was deemed Operation Get all the Kids off of Mission Campus and Spend Some Quality Time with Them. OGKOMCASSQTWT for short. Smaller groups is where it is at when you try to spend any type of quality time with this big number.

Yesterday was the first day that I can finally say that Zoe was truly almost her normal self since she was hit with the chick V. Almost. I'll take it. Thank you all for praying. That was the sickest she has ever been and I am so happy to be on this side of it.

The keneps are ripe and it has been a free for all around the mission. Keneps are a small green fruit that grow in clusters with a thin skin that easily pops open when they are ripe in the summer months on the island. So yummy. So messy.

Ezra likes to mash his up and make a juice out of it. In extremely sanitary conditions, of course.

I have been spending some time on Pinterest this past week as I am starting the beginning stages of planning for next years school year and I just have one question: When did mason jars get so popular? I must have missed something over this last year.  It seems as if the whole pinterest world believes that drinking kool-aid out of a mason jar suddenly elevates it into something far more interesting.

And now that I'm on the verge of sounding like a cranky granny I'll sign off and wish everyone a happy Thursday!

highs in lows

Yesterday was one. of. those. days.

Weird stomach sickness for me, our van wouldn't start, the mission van broke down on the mountain for Jeremiah and the group of boys he took on a field trip, traffic, Gramma and PawPaw's dog is very ill, I forgot my money and grocery store card (and realized it at the check-out line), traffic, Zoe was a whiney hot two year old  recovering from chickungunya mess, surprise visitors at the mission, traffic, and Ella forgot the blueberries in the muffins.

Did I mention the traffic?

Even as I write it all out I realize that all the frustrations and mini-disasters were just that...frustrations and mini-disasters. Everyone made it home and the blueberry-not-blueberry muffins were still delicious.

Haiti - 0
Hambricks - 1

We've had a lot of days like the above. In fact, they seem almost more the norm than not here in Haiti. We've learned to roll and we've learned to see the great moments within the mini-disasters. Or at least after we're done cussing and crying.

Kidding, kidding.

Maybe.

Yesterday's highs:

• Jeremiah got to take all our 8-12 year old boys to the mountains of Haiti...their first time ever. They kept saying, "Haiti is so beautiful!" An amazing first to share with them. Haiti is a beautiful country, but if all you ever see is the city you would never believe it.

• Ella really stepped up and was a sweet servant to her family, helping with Zoe, making dinner, and even doing the dishes without any prompting. I love this girl.

Yeah, yesterday kinda stunk.
But it was also kinda wonderful.

different (how being a missionary in a third world country has changed me)

This year has changed me.
Altered me.
I am not the same Jennifer that moved down here a year ago.

I look at the picture in the header of my blog and think...Wow, I had no idea.
(And wow, we all look so clean!)

I could write about how I don't take clean water, clean kids, or a clean anything for granted anymore, or how my cooking skills have really developed in the absence of the American convenience lifestyle...but, instead I'll write about the deeper heart issues that have been refined and changed in me.

1 - I don't write to-do lists anymore.

Obviously, I still write lists because I am writing this one, but I don't write to-do lists anymore. I think I stopped writing them here in Haiti after the 2nd week. A to do list is a big fat waste of time here.

This year has redefined my ideas of productivity and efficiency and a "successful" day. Redefined might be a bit of an understatement. This year has rocked my world in regards to my idea of a productive day. I no longer define my days by my masterfully created to-do list and carefully check-marked lines.

If I get one thing done here a day...awesome!
And if I get nothing done here in a day...awesome!

And by nothing, I mean nothing that can be quantified. You know, those moments where I cleaned up a skinned knee, sewed a button, or read Corduroy for the 73rd time in one week. My identity is not tied to my productivity anymore. And I cannot tell you how needed this change was. Jesus wasn't about lists, he was about people, and I came a long way in fleshing that out this year.



Which kinda sorta leads me into the next big change...

2 - I see people, not their poverty.

Talk about another needed change. It is not as if I came here with a white man savior complex. Far from it. However, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I felt a certain level of pity for for the people I was living amongst. Moment after moment like this one I wrote about changed me and the filter I view people through. I've learned to see past poverty and really see people. Conversely, as I get ready to step on a plane and head back to the land of excess I pray I see past the plenty and see only the people. I think what I've learned this year will help.


3 - I don't work for God anymore. I just walk with Him.

Prior to Haiti I would classify myself as a doer. A get er' doner. (Please see above list making paragraph.) Stripping me of my productivity identity this year has forever altered my ideas of working for the Lord.

Yes, I want to always be obedient and faithful and a good steward of my personal giftings, but I am far more concerned with just walking with the Lord through the rest of this adventure called my life.  

I have learned what it means to be totally and completely incapable of making it through a single day in my own strength and abilities and above mentioned personal giftings. Those inabilities brought me to Him on a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute basis on a whole new level of intimacy.

And just walking with Him became more than enough.
If I never wear the title of "missionary" or "pastors wife" or "church planter" again, just walking with Him is more than enough.

He has shown you, O man, what is good:

But to do justly,

To love mercy,

and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

sunday catch-up

It's been a busy week. Time is speeding up these last few weeks, it seems.

A busy week with a lot of great things:

Two great friends of ours flew down to go on an epic 26 mile hike with Jeremiah, traveling all the way from the mountains of Haiti to the beaches of Jacmel. We went through pictures last night and all I can say is...amazing.

Starting out. Still fresh =)

My in-laws flew in this week!!! My, we have missed them!

My sister Cate also flew in to be my hero and help out with the kids so I could still be present at the mission during Jeremiah's absence. I don't know what I would have done this week without her.



Chickengunya is straight from the pits of hell and won't let me out of its grip. I hate you Chicken virus.

World cup fever is high. People get so excited around here its almost a bit scary =)

I threw in a sleepover with our oldest girls at the mission...because, why not?!
(for the record, I am way past the age of slumber parties)

And finally, yesterday was our 2nd annual neighborhood community clean up day. Our entire neighborhood worked hours cleaning up our streets and roads. All our kids pitched in and we all ate lunch together afterward. I realize it sounds like no big deal, but it is a very big deal to see everybody here taking pride in their community and working together.

I was so proud of these hard working kids!

Happy Sunday everyone!

leaking

Recently, my eyes have been quick to leak tears with sudden notice.

The thing is (and for those of you who really know me well, you know this is true) I've never been a "crier." Ever.

Yet, lately, it takes the bare minimum to elicit a lump in my throat and wet eyes and my careful composure is gone.

I'm pretty sure  it is a way of expressing a response to certain sights I see here in Haiti...emotions I repress in the moment that come out later in response to an unrelated interaction with a facebook video or something I read.

You see, living here, exposed to numerous sights and stories that are sad at best, horrific at worst...on a weekly, sometimes daily basis, you have to close your emotions off just a bit...if merely to survive. One cannot walk around in a puddle of pity and truly see the people. Reigning in the emotions is a necessity to remain faithful and effective.



But then sometimes you have those moments, those interactions that...BAM! They wallop you right in the heart and gut and you can't help but feel BIG feelings that can't be repressed.

We were one our way up to Petionville one afternoon, driving up the main road Delmas, when I saw a beggar on the side of the road.

Not an uncommon sight at all.

But this beggar was blind. And his arm was being held out for him by a younger healthy man. The posturing of the two clearly revealed a servitude relationship with one mans handicap being exploited by the other.

There was something about the blind man that reminded my of my brother, Abraham, who is blind also.

I was flooded with emotions...

Sad.
Mad.
Sadder.
Madder.

Why does one man get born in one place and one another?
Why does one blind boy grow up with a loving family and opportunity and another not?
The apparent unfairness of it all sometimes is overwhelming.

I didn't cry at all in that moment. But I did feel my stomach tighten up and my heart hurt. And then later that night I was organizing pictures on my computer and I glanced upon a picture of my Zoe as a baby...who wasn't a baby anymore...and would never be a baby again...and suddenly I was in the ugly cry.

But I wasn't crying for her,
I was crying for him.

I was crying to release all those big feelings that don't necessarily have a fix or an answer.



And I've decided I'm not going to fight the tears.
There is a clearness that comes after a good cry.
An opportunity to be comforted by the Comforter.

An an even greater opportunity to use those feelings to fuel my action, my love, my faithfulness on those days I just want to give in.

As for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is right. 2 Thess. 3:13

from Rock Star to Hero (Happy Birthday Jeremiah!)

Jeremiah has always been my rock star. 

(corny, I know, but true)

Walking through this very difficult yet amazing year with him in Haiti, he has become my hero.

And so, because I have been strictly forbidden to write anything in the realm of mushy, 

I will leave it at that, 

and post just a few pictures that reveal the man I am so incredibly privileged to call mine.

Happy Birthday Jeremiah, you make 35 look d@&n sexy!

He takes a joke well =)

in rememberance

July 4th holds a special place in my heart, just not for the traditional reasons.

Today was the due date for my 3rd child, our little girl Myla.
She would have been five years old this Independence Day.

Despite the passing of 5 years and the addition of 2 other children, I still wonder...

What would she have looked like?
Dark like Zoe or fair like Ella?
What would she have lit up at?
Been scared of?
Outgoing like Ezra or a bit more timid like Ella?

I treasure the memory of seeing her little hand wave to us in the ultrasound.
The flutterings I felt in my belly as she was learning to move.

I'm so grateful for those memories. I'm so grateful I got to carry her those few short months.

Even though my life is so incredibly full and I am overflowing with joy, there is a part of me that will always long for the day I see her again. And it feels good and right to take time today to remember her, to mourn for what could have been, but delight in the comfort of her creator and the peace that comes in trusting in His sovereignty.

My dear Myla,

You are missed. You are loved. And you are being remembered in my heart today.

All my love forever,

Your Mama

Swiftly flew the year. In which I tell you our plans (or lack thereof) for the future...

**My apologies for the formatting in this blog. I just copied and pasted from the email we sent out...because ain't nobody got time to rewrite all of that! **

Swiftly flew the year... Our one year commitment at Have Faith Haiti Mission is just about up. (Goodness, the days were long but the year went fast!) The looming end of our term brought about a lot of prayer and seeking the Lord’s leading on our part and ultimately led to our decision to not renew for another  term.   Obviously, there is a lot that goes into a decision like this. And we feel that you, the people who have loved us and prayed for us and supported us over this last year are due an explanation. We love the children at HFHM and are leaving on the best possible terms, however, we realize that the time commitment that goes into the position we fill here is not sustainable for our family in a long term capacity. On average, Jeremiah and I spend 100+ hours every single week at the mission. Trying to juggle our responsibilities at the mission with homeschooling and maintaining some form of “family time” has been challenging to say the least. We also have concerns regarding the academic challenges that our Eli has faced over the last year that need some extra resources that are just not available to us here in Haiti.   What does that mean for us you ask?  Good question.   The kids and I will be flying back to America in August, leaving Jeremiah behind until September. There is a lot that goes into re-integrating back into life in the states and a lot to plan for the upcoming school year for our family as well as getting in the testing and evaluations that are necessary for Eli before the next school year starts. I  will be staying with family in Virginia until I am is re-joined by Jeremiah in September.   What about after September? Good question.   Here’s the fun part: we have no idea. We love Haiti and the people here and we have a few possible positions that we could step into and continue our ministry here. We also are open to Jeremiah returning to full time ministry in America. But the truth is, we are still seeking the Lord and waiting for him to reveal a clear direction for our family.   Yes, it’s a bit scary and yes, we would love your prayers for us as we discern our next steps.   Here’s how you can pray:   - For Jeremiah and I to have sensitivity to the leading of the Lord in our lives.   - The “see ya later” process can really stink. Pray for the hearts of our kids and the kids at HFHM as we go through this.   - For the re-integration back into American life for our family.   - For the Lord’s provision for our family. Leaving the security of a “position” without a next step can cause some freak out moments.   - For safety and health as we have a lot of work ahead of us as we strive to finish well.   - And finally, because this is truly the deepest desires of our heart: For continued opportunities to share Jesus and meet needs, wherever we are.   Do you still need support? Good question.   You have been a huge blessing to our family this year. You will never know the pressure you took off of our shoulders by helping us financially and we are so grateful. As you pray for us, and if you still feel led to help support us, you can continue to give while we transition to our next position. We still have the needs of our family to meet until that transition happens. We are not anxious, but trusting in the Lord’s provision in every stage of this journey and know he is faithful. Thank you again, for being a part of that provision. We know that you may want to help support a family that is still on the field, and we would love to point you in the direction of ministries we believe in and think you would be as much a blessing to as you were to our family. If you would like to know of some other ministries you could give to here is a list of some we know personally that you may be interested in:   Have Faith Haiti Mission - Port au Prince, Haiti www.mitchalbomcharities.org/have-faith-haiti   Jim and Debbie Hambrick - Port au Prince, Haiti www.untilthewholeworldknows.com   Smooth and Kelly Via - Jinja, Uganda www.thevias.com   Wade and Ara Shirel - Port au Prince, Haiti www.thepathofhope.org   The Apparent Project - Port au Prince, Haiti www.apparentproject.org This year has been an adventure to say the least. Sharing the Love of Christ to 30+ children through words, songs, devotions. wrestling matches, field trips, dance contests, soccer games, lullabies, play-doh, changing toothbrushes and flip-flops, and the multitude of daily quiet moments with them has been way harder and way more rewarding than we could have ever imagined. While this chapter of our life is coming to a close, we are excited about the next chapter and hope that you will be a part of it as we strive to meet needs and share Jesus, wherever we are! With the deepest gratitude for all your love and support over the last year, Jeremiah, Jennifer, Ella, Eli, Ezra, and Zoe Hambrick