Why Ask Why When With Is Enough

When Zoe was really sick with Chickungunya in Haiti last Summer there wasn't much that comforted her. She didn't want to eat, didn't want to drink, didn't want to watch her beloved Peppa Pig, didn't even want a popsicle...her favorite treat.



There was one thing, and one thing alone, that she wanted...

Me. (or Jeremiah)

If we could lay next to her, place a hand on her back or tummy, or lay with her flat across our stomach she would be comforted. If we left her for any amount of time (heaven forbid we take a potty break) she'd cry and cry. And cry.

My presence didn't take away or shorten her pain.
My presence didn't tell her why she was in pain.
My presence didn't cover up the pain.

My being with her simply calmed her, soothed her, comforted her.

Back in Jeremiah's seminary days he spent a lot of time studying the "Problem of Evil." Or in laymans terms the why-do-bad-things-happen line of questioning that everyone wrestles with at some point or time. I remember spending many a night in deep discussion...

I do believe there are answers to these questions. I do. (We can talk in person if you'd really like some of those answers.)

But now that I have a decade of real life and experiences separating the Seminary me and the right now me, I can honestly write that the answers don't matter as much. The power isn't in the answers. The comfort isn't in the answers.

No answers, no tears, no words, no hugs could offer me comfort on the day we learned that our baby girl had died. But knowing (deeper in my knower than I had ever known before) that He was with me was the balm to my broken heart.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Then there was the day I found Djouna crying behind the palm tree the week before Christmas. Crying because she missed a Momma she didn't even know. I held her and cried with her and offered her the only comfort I could: the promise that is held in the precious name given to the baby Jesus, Immanuel, God with us. A God who would never leave Djouna or forsake her.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut 31:6

And then, just this week, we hear the news of the devastation in Nepal, the riots in Baltimore, and on a much more personal level, the news of the death of our friend Philimone in Haiti.



Thousands dead in a natural disaster.

A city divided by race and destroyed by ugliness.

One loving and hardworking husband and father of three dead due to the ravages of a cancer that was easily treatable here in the US.

My heart breaks. But it doesn't break as one who has no hope.

I won't offer answers. But I can offer the comfort of a Savior who doesn't stand on the peripheral, but is right there smack.dab.in.the.center.with.them. With me. With you.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20b

And just like when my Zoe is sick and wants nothing but what my presence offers her.

His presence doesn't take away or shorten the pain.
His presence doesn't tell me the reason for the pain.
His presence doesn't cover up the pain.

But, I promise you, knowing He is with you will be enough.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

a birthday list (34 for 34)

1. Today is my 34th birthday.

2. Wasn't I just a kid? Like, yesterday? Waiting for the next Christmas?

3. When Jeremiah asked me what I wanted for my birthday I had my answer ready: a rocking chair for the front porch and some time to myself.

4. I am now the proud owner of TWO rocking chairs and am writing this in an empty house.

5. Does that make me old? Asking for a rocking chair and time to myself? Don't really answer that.

6. Jeremiah leaves for Haiti tomorrow.

7. No playset this time, but he is bringing some much needed relief and manpower (and car parts!) to missionary friends and family.

8. As always, I hate seeing him go, but LOVE getting to be a part of this mission...even if I am just in a supporting role at the moment.

9. We got to go on a date this week. A surprise date, which is even better!

10. We saw the movie Lady in Gold on our date. Art history along with WWII history = a good movie for me. Jeremiah was a good sport about it too.

11. We are vehicle shopping at the moment. It's time to retire the VUE...our trusty steed of almost a decade.

12. School is winding down. We are in  the final lessons and getting ready to start our final reviews.

13. I spend the last few weeks homeschool co-op shopping and finally made a decision this week!

14. This is the first year in a loooong time that we've experienced a "true" Spring and we are loving it.

15. By "true" I mean that it wasn't the perpetual Summer of Haiti and the uber quick transition from Winter to Summer of NC. We've had cold nights and warm days.

16. It has made the whole changing clothes over thing a bit tricky as we need both seasons of clothing.

17. The kids are loving playing soccer this Spring!

18. It has been more fun than I expected for me too =)

19. I am in the middle of You and Me Forever by Francis Chan. So stinkin' good.

20. This house is really quiet when its only me here.

21. The older I get the more I realize how little I know.

22. Or maybe I realize how off (immature) my thinking was in my younger years.

23. Some things seem so much more black and white and some issues that were black and white have moved to grey. The aging switcheroo.

24. I also realize how imperfect I am. How dependent on the Lord and the Holy Spirit I am to do anything well. It's freeing and scary and exhilarating and humbling all at the same time.

25. The kids begged me to climb their favorite tree with them. I obliged. And took a picture for proof.

26. Despite my very public affair with dark chocolate, my favorite dessert are either NY style cheesecake, strawberry shortcake, or a simple vanilla sugar cookie.

27. Now I am hungry.

28. This is turning out to be a very long list.

29. I had a scary few minutes this week when I couldn't find Ezra. We were at our Nena's house and I told he him he could go play in the backyard, which he has done numerous times before. This time when it was time to leave I called for him (and called for him...) and looked for him and he was no where to be found. About a million minutes later (probably 3-4) I heard his voice calling back. He had crossed the creek and gone exploring and looked up and didn't know where he was...

30. Ella told me later that I shouldn't have worried because "even if he was kidnapped, the kidnappers would have returned him an hour and half later." 

31. #truth #ohezra

32. If I could have one superpower it would be the ability to teleport. Flying would be fun too. As would the ability to eat whatever I want and still be healthy.

33. If you have made it to this point in this list, I applaud you. Or pity you?

34. I love my life. I wouldn't trade one moment, one difficulty, one struggle, one moment of it for any other life. I am so blessed. Not because I have an amazing husband, 4 cool kids, an awesome supportive family and friends, a purpose and fulfillment in what I do...but because I have the Lord. I know that He is enough. He is more than enough. The older I get the more than enough He gets. 

Bring it on, year 34!

simple pleasure #21

Bare feet,

spring day,

a hammock full o' kids,

and the time to take it all in...

And yes, Ezra is just in his underwear. 

Don't ask.

fast furious 7 (with an i phone photo dump)

The past 7 days in  iphone photo review...

I enjoyed a girls day out (Keesha's last girl hurrah before Haiti) last Sunday with my local Via family. I love these ladies.

Ella had her first cooking lesson with our dear friend and amazing cook! We all enjoyed the fruits of their labor that evening. 

Zoe was a bit sad to say "see ya later" to her Monzie. I think Monzie looks a bit excited =)

Family togetherness before our final "see ya later". They made it safe and sound to Haiti yesterday!

We made a quick trip up to my brothers graduation from the Montgomery Co. Maryland police academy. I can't believe my "baby"  brother is now Officer Briggs. I am so proud of him.

We drove home from my Mom's just in time for the kids soccer game. Zoe likes to pass the time at the games pretending she is some sort of animal or another.

And today. Ah, today. Slow, restful yet productive...with the sweet surprise of a lilac bush blooming in our yard.
It's the little things that are filling my heart today.

Photojournal: Roanoke River

Oh man, I've got lots of posts buzzing around in my head. Lot's o. But it is a bit of a busy season we are in and I've got a household of sickies at the moment (just head colds, thankfully!) so for now, a photojournal will have to do...

tbt - our narcoleptic

narcolepsy

[nahr-kuh-lep-see]

noun

1.

a condition characterized by frequent and uncontrollable periods of deep sleep.

on the floor


on my lap at church

on an airplane


in the car

anywhere we put the pac-n-play

the cool tile stairs

on Daddy's shoulders

It is finished. (and it is finished)

I woke up yesterday in my usual Holy hangover that comes after all the fun of last weeks festivities. 

It really is the best week of the year...but, shew...I'm tired! Good thing I decided last minute scheduled in a Semi-Spring break for this week.

A look through the rest of our Holy week and Easter...

The foot washing after our passover meal. I love the way you can tell Zoe is hanging onto every word her Daddy is saying.

Egg dyeing. Also known as the night to drop and spill everything.

I made the kids take a picture before church...while it was still really cold out. I told them to suck it up and try not to look so cold. I think Zoe tried, she really did.

The three best looking boys I know!

So lovely.

We had some of our Via family up for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. Love these people.

Michaela didn't mind being put on the floor =)

Jeremiah giving out the "rules" for the egg hunt. Serious business.

Emma found the golden egg and was so proud!

Happy Easter everyone!