the nothing that is everything

I wrote a few weeks ago how I've been working my way through memorizing Philippians 2. It's coming along, except for one verse I keep getting stuck at:

"He made himself nothing."

I'm not stuck technically speaking.

In fact, as I process through this (which is what blogging is ever so helpful for me in doing...) I realize that maybe stuck isn't the right word.

I'm caught on?
I'm held up at?

No, no. None of those are right.

I'm overwhelmed by this verse.

Yes, that's it.

Overwhelmed. Undone.

So much of my life has been consumed with the pursuit of becoming something.
Much more than I ever even dare to admit to anyone, even myself.

But it's there.
It's true.

It's proven in my desire to be liked, to be thought highly of, to put that best foot forward, to feel that twinge of satisfaction at seeing those 137 likes.

And yet, here it is again:

"He made himself nothing."

Add insult to injury, preceding those words, I am told that "my attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

As I meditate on those words, my heart softens, changes.

Jesus wasn't nothing. He was, by his very nature, God. But this wasn't something to be grasped, something he fought to hang onto. He humbled himself. He made himself nothing.

Lord Jesus, forgive my pursuit of being something. 

Help me to embrace becoming nothing, 

for you are everything. 

thursday thoughts

The week has flown by and Jeremiah is getting on the plane as I write this to begin his flight home. 

We haven't gotten to talk much this week, but the little I've heard from him sounds like it has been a great week! I'm sure there will be more details to come as I learn more about this new partnership.

I got all these serious looking pictures of him with adults...and then this one =)

We've managed to stay busy and have some fun while he was gone, fitting in a few play dates, swimming days, and my first official I-think-my-child-might-have-broken-his-leg moment. 

Thankfully, it was just a moment, and not a reality. This time. 

Ella and Ellie, creating some kind of code or story.

Check out our newest beautiful niece, Elora Faith, born this week to Jeremiah's sister, Addie...

Be still, my beating ovaries.

Happy Thursday!

the mice will play

Confession time.

When Jeremiah is out of town/country, we do things, well...a little bit differently.

Cereal is a justifiable dinner choice.
You can sleep in Dad's spot.
And, well...bedtimes get re-arranged a bit.

I'm a much more fun Mom when he is gone.

I worry less about what has to get done and just sit down and watch that movie with them.
One more book? Sure!
Ohh, lets stay up late and watch American Ninja Warrior!
Yoga pants for days!
And really, who needs to wash/fix their hair every day?!

I think I actually accept that I can't do it all and I don't try.
I raise up the white flag and then give it a big hug.

I realize this might sound as though we are glad when Jeremiah is gone...but, au contraire, that is NOT the case. We would ALWAYS prefer Daddy be around. However, we love and support what he is doing and we have simply learned to make the best of the time while he is away.

And maybe, just a tiny bit of me is glad not to shave my legs.

one day they'll know

Amidst, the flurry of packing and planning that was our weekend, we did manage to squeeze in some time to celebrate the #1 Dad in our lives. 

My kid's don't even know how good they have it with their crazy amazing Daddy. They just believe that every Dad is as involved, interested, engaged, playful, loving, leading, reading, and inclined to stick asparagus up their nose as their Dad is. What? Doesn't every Dad do that?!?!

They might not get the depth of the awesomeness of their Daddy just yet.

But, I know one day, they will.

(And he will humbly accept their gratitude in gift cards and steak dinners.) 

Kidding, kidding.

And he will humbly point them to their heavenly Father, who is infinitely more crazy amazing.

Cause that's just the kind of Dad he is.

**Pray for him as he flew out today to share Jesus and build a partnership with long term missionaries Mark and Meg Kuzdas in Costa Rica.**

2, 14, and a confession

So, you see...we were supposed to have been in Raleigh the last few days. Instead #ohEzra was visited by the stomach bug fairy. Since we are selfish and didn't want to share we canceled our trip. Bummer not to see the friends we were hoping to catch up with, but I won't lie, the extra few days to be home have been nice. Since we have, ya know, just a few things coming up on our radar...

2 days till Jeremiah leaves for La Finca, Costa Rica. He will be working with CLF missionaries Mark and Meg Kuzdas, who have been working in Costa Rica, Honduras, and Nicaragua for the past 12 years. 

14 days till we leave for our Summer in Haiti! I woke up this morning absolutely giddy with excitement. And then realized that I had a lot to do to get ready and only had one full day left with my hubby home with me to get them done. So then I made my list and spent the afternoon getting the bulk of our supplies together. Whew, that was close.

Unfortunately, my brain doesn't seem to be responding well to all this excitement. I went grocery shopping late one evening this past week and got home, walked inside, and went to bed...only to remember the next morning that all of my groceries were still inside the car. 

Frozen popsicles are really overrated.

The cram. Or Three in One. Or Photo Overload.

Technically, Summer is three months.
However, for us this year, our Summer "break" is one month.
(The countdown for Haiti is on...15 days!)

And let me tell you, we have been cramming the fun into this blur of a month called June.
Just crammin' it in.
We are fitting an entire three months worth of Summer fun into one month.

That's just how we Hambrick's like to roll.

My apologies for the photo overload that is about to happen.

Not really. I know the real reason anyone comes to my blog anymore is to look at pictures of my cute kiddo's...

Camping weekend at Philpott Lake with good friends from NC.

Little Wesley wasn't so sure he was into the whole camping thing. Give him time...

Yeah, so I feel like this one needs some explanin' with it. We had an air mattress that we had patched to death and decided to donate it to the fun on the lake. Because nothing says redneck like wraslin' on an air mattress in the middle of a lake. 

Wesley did agree that the lake was pretty fun.

Playing with our favorite Hart friends before we enjoy the lake.

And that, folks, is how you do the first 17 days of June.

memory monday: Philippians 2 (with a challenge)

My soul has always responded to the words found in Philippians 2 in a my-heart-may-burst kind of way. And so, I've challenged myself with memorizing this chapter this month.

We head back to Haiti for this summer in just a few short weeks. Gone are the romantic notions about how fun and easy our time will be there. I know it is going to be be hard and I will need to keep my focus on Jesus and imitating his humility. Philippians 2 is the perfect chapter to fill my head and heart with before we head off.

There is so much packed into this chapter: deep theological lessons, ethical foundations, and a pointed and rich account of Jesus' humility.

I've challenged my  Ella to memorize this with me as well as one of my sisters...perhaps you'd like to join me in the challenge?

_________________________________________________________________________________

If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. 

Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, 

who, though he was in the form of God,

   did not regard equality with God

   as something to be exploited, 

but emptied himself,

   taking the form of a slave,

   being born in human likeness.

And being found in human form, 

   he humbled himself

   and became obedient to the point of death—

   even death on a cross. 

Therefore God also highly exalted him

   and gave him the name

   that is above every name, 

so that at the name of Jesus

   every knee should bend,

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 

and every tongue should confess

   that Jesus Christ is Lord,

   to the glory of God the Father.

 Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed me, not only in my presence, but much more now in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Philippians 2:1-14

the click (on boys and reading)

It's happening...

I like to call it the "click."
You know, that moment when the lightbulb comes on and reading becomes easy, natural, desired.

For my boys this has been a slow click, not the sudden rush that happened for Ella.
More of a process than a moment.

And I am so okay with that. I've seen the natural progression, seen the small steps, and am now finally watching the fruit develop as they discover the joy of losing themselves in a story...

And so, for moms of boys out there, I just wanted to throw the reassurance out there that it'll come, in their own time, not to worry...just keep reading to them, keep good and interesting books available for them, let them see you reading, and make reading a priority in your lifestyle...

And one day, it'll click.

tbt: Someday Up From Underwater

**This TBT hails from January of 2013. Two and a half years later so much of it still rings true, but even more of it reveals how much farther we have gotten. **


I recently read a post from a fellow adoptive blogger friend that got me thinking about something that is constantly nagging in the shadows and cobwebs of my mind. It's about Eli and adoption and feeling that while we have come so so so far, miraculously far...we still have so so so far to go.

I'm feeling vulnerable writing this, as I don't want to betray my sweet son, and one day have him read this and stir up any unhealthy emotions. But then I realize what sweet promise there is in the idea I have of him discovering this one day...

He will have to be able to read this in order to read this.

Duh, I know.

But knowing his start in life and the academic hurdles we are crossing and going to be crossing in the years to come will someday (please God!) lead to him be able to read this himself will be nothing short of a miracle. A moment I will fall apart in and go to the ugly cry. Don't get me wrong about Eli...he is smart. Oh. So. Smart. But he missed every single building block one needs to build the foundation upon which one learns to read in his first three years of his life. No one read to him, sang to him, did puzzles or patterns or even played with him. Those gaps aren't made up easily and without effort. Momentous effort, I am learning...on his and my part. It sometimes feels as though we are inching through quick sand, uphill, barefoot, and dehydrated.

He will have to care about himself and his history and his adoption and me in order to want to read this one day.

And so, I attempt to move on and put to words the feeling that I'm just not able to shake about Eli and me...

I still feel as though I don't know him. 
Like really really deep down know him.
Like I want to know him.

I can look at Ella, Ezra, and Zoe and know them.
I know why they react like they do.
I know their whole persons, ins and outs and in betweens.
I know.
I just do.

I know more of Eli than I used to.
A lot more.
I even told Jeremiah that I really felt like I "got" Eli this Christmas when I bought him his presents...a ninja costume, a microphone, and a spiderman web-shooter. He really really loved(s) everyone of them. It was one of my favorite parts of the holiday...knowing I had finally got him a gift that was...him.

I know that he likes mexican food and superhero movies and playing with nerf guns. I know he is scared of the dark and doesn't like his hair combed. I know he has a fascination with elephants and won't hold an insect to save his life. I know he loves water and never ever complains about being cold or hot.

We've come a long, long way.

But there are still deep closed off places in him, places that he retreats to when confronted with any sort of reprimand or fear.

There are still reactions that I do not understand.

There are still check out moments that cause my heart to clench.

There are still gaps that I am unsure how to best close.

There is still so much I want to know about him. So much I long to know about him.

My friend said it best when she said it was like communicating underwater: both parties can see each other but there is a vagueness and inability to clearly understand each other.

I don't have a magic wand that I can wave.
Time does/is help/ing, but it isn't a cure-all.

Love is here.
The feeling and the choosing kind.

Hope is here.
Not the pie-in-the-sky kind, but a confident and expectant kind.

But reality is here as well.
The reality that it is going to take a lot...
a lot of time,
a lot of effort,
a team of support,
a God of miracles,
and a very very (very) patient Momma.

I just know that knowing him and hearing him above the water is going to be so worth it.

Our first day of getting to know each other. Ethiopia, 2009.

Why I Don't Pray for Safety (for my kids or myself)

I know, on surface level the above written statement comes across as confusing, harsh, and perhaps even a bit unloving. So, let me clarify a bit...

There is this scene in the movie, Paddington, where Mr. Brown and his wife are riding a motorcycle, hair flying in the wind, the pair of them the quintessential embodiment of an adventure filled life. They ride this motorcycle right up to a hospital, when the scene changes and out they walk with their newborn baby, only to have changed out their motorcycle for a beige volvo station wagon. The implied message: Forget adventure, safety trumps everything now that there are children.

This message isn't found in just a movie. It pervades our entire parenting culture. We've become so focused on keeping our kids safe or lowering risk or buffering the hard stuff that perhaps we have forgotten that it is those very risks, hard times, and unsafe moments that provide life with depth, that push us to dependency on God, and therefore intimacy with Him.

Yes, of course, I want my kids to be safe and we do the whole bike helmet and car seat thing. We don't knowingly allow them to ride their roller blades off the roof. We are trying our darnedest to train them to make wise choices.  But, my end goal for my children is not for them to stay safe. At the end of their life, if all they've lived is a "safe" life...then, they've missed out on experiencing Jesus in a way that only comes with risk.




If you look throughout scripture there are several examples of when Jesus makes an appearance prior to and after his life as a physical man. I'll pick just two of them:

The account of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the fiery furnace, found in Daniel 3, and
in Acts 7, with the story of the stoning of Stephen.

The ending to both of these accounts are vastly different: One group is kept safe, one man is martyred. But in both, Jesus showed up! All took great risks because of their faith, and their reward was Jesus himself!

Why would I want anything less for my life? And therefore, my kids lives? Getting to experience Jesus involves taking risks, stepping out in faith, and doing things that don't make sense to the mainstream culture.

What does this look like practically? Good question, one we are continuously trying to figure out ourselves! Here are two ways we are trying to work on to help us flesh this out:


1) Pray the process, not the result.

I don't want to be so quick to pray the result. I need to pray for the process. I need to be praying for the spiritual development and fruit in the life of my child. I need to be asking God, "what characteristic, what things are You wanting to grow in this child?" rather than just pray them out of a situation.


2) Be the example.

If all my kids ever see is a safe life lived out by their parents they will either 1) view me as a hypocrite 2) view following Jesus as boring or 3) embrace the safe life themselves. This means I have to include them in some of our decisions as a family, allow them to see when we take a risk by giving away more money than we "should", or opening up our home to someone that needs it, or spending time on a foreign mission field, or whatever other thing the Lord leads us to.

Following Jesus will not be easy for my children. They are growing up in an environment that is only growing more and more hostile and distracting from things of real value. But, James 1 tells us that strength is developed through trials. Easy circumstances do not cultivate strong children.

Therefore, my prayers for my kids (and myself) aren't without the desire for their safety, but with the understanding that true, lasting, deep relationship with Christ is cultivated by trials and hard things...so I will continue to pray for them with an eternal mindset, knowing that they will find joy and fulfillment in the presence of their Savior, not in a safe life.