an apology

Dear Eli,

I'm sorry that even though it has only been three short months I sometimes forget what you have been through in your little life and don't show you more patience.

I'm sorry that I don't know what you are trying to communicate so many times out of the day.

I'm sorry that I can't make your brother be nice to you 100% of the time.

I'm sorry that I don't hold you more.

I'm sorry that I make so many mistakes and get so many things wrong.

I'm sorry that you had to leave your country and all that was familiar to you.

I'm sorry that at the impossibly young age of three you have a lot to grieve over.

But mostly...I am sorry that you were born to a mother who loved you but couldn't take care of you and instead you got me...a mother who can take care of you but is still learning exactly how to love you.

But.

I do love you. Even on the hard days (like today).

Forever,
your momma

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