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Ezra said "brudder" and Ella was just quiet. I don't think they quite grasped the gravity of the moment.
We left for Virginia shortly after. We spent most of the weekend praying and searching the Word and talking with family. And maybe I spent just a teensy weensy little bit of time searching our agency photo files and finding more pictures of him.
Finally, late on Saturday night Jeremiah and I had been talking (and talking and talking...) and looking at Chala's photo's when he turned to me and said with utmost determination, "lets go get our son." I think that was the moment that things changed for me and I felt a peace. The moment I first felt a true bond towards him.
Fast forward a week to the present: We have his photo up on the fridge. I keep one in my wallet to whip out and show everyone. Ella sleeps with two photos by her bed. We pray for him by name every night. His face has become dear to me. My heart softens towards him more with each day. I feel protective towards him. There is a sense of someone missing as I go throughout my day.
Do I love him yet?
I don't know. I love the idea of him. I love his eyes. His pouty lips. His curly wispy hair. I love the anticipation of getting to know him. Of getting to fall in love with him. Of getting the privilege to be his Mama.
I know that I will love him. I don't have to force it or pretend it. I will love him through the good and the bad the pretty and the ugly the ups and the downs. I have been loved like this by my heavenly Father and am equipped with an abundance of His love to share with this little boy.
Before the referral the whole adoption journey was one of paperwork and ambiguity and following a calling.
Seeing his face made it all suddenly and blissfully real.
Welcome to the family, little boy of mine.
Be ready to be loved.
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