not me monday
**Warning: The following fictional accounts contain graphic elements. For those of you who do not like stories with mentions of bodily fluids, proceed with caution. You have been warned.**
I did not have a daughter who leaked through her diaper at night and completely wet her bed...sheets, blankets, pillow, everything was soaked.
I did not strip down daughter and turn my back on her while I set to pulling off all the soiled linens off her bed.
I do not have a daughter who then ran into the next bedroom and pooped on the floor. The carpeted part of the floor. Then walked in it. And kept walking in it.
I did not shriek when I walked into the room and viewed the horrendous sight. Daughter did not grin mischievously at me and yell "poop" back at me.
I did not set up the daughter in the bath tub while I set to scrubbing the carpets. I did not throw away the few remaining unsquashed turds in the toilet. Which did not clog the toilet and cause it to overflow.
Therefore I did not find myself standing in the bathroom laughing my head off at the "crappy" morning I was having...laughing so loud that my other kids came running to find out what was going on...then slowly backing out of the bathroom with a "oh no, Mom has finally snapped" look on their faces.
And, despite my shower and cleaning efforts... I did not keep smelling poop all day long.
Nope. Never. Not me.