i did not do an internal happy dance at finding an oatmeal cream cookie hiding in the pantry.
i did not eat said oatmeal cream cookie and call it breakfast.
i never neglect my eyebrows. and i don't have a threatening uni-brow in progress.
i never wear the same clothes 2 (or 3?) days in a row. gross.
and, of course, i never neglect the shaving of my legs.
therefore, i don't have legs that cling to my sheets.
or that sheets cling to.
i never forget that i am in a neighborhood setting now and not on the farm and should not do things like walk out the door in my pajamas. especially when it is after lunch.
and i always wear coordinated cutesy pajamas with bunnies and flowers and angels on them.
never old rangers t-shirts with bleach stained yoga paints that fit about 5 lbs ago.
(because i am always showered, dressed, and ready for the day by 7am.)
and i never put off going to the doctor for myself.
therefore, i didn't go to the doctor for strep throat but also to get this, this, and this looked at while i was there.
my dental hygiene is always top priority in my hygiene world.
so my children would never tell me that my breath was stinky.
(to be fair to myself...it was during a 3am bad dream duty call)
(and i did not tell complaining child "too bad, that's what you get when you call me out of my bed at 3am.")