I did not neglect the hygiene of my kids last week and realize on Saturday night that I couldn't remember the last time they had taken a bath. Swimming counts, right?
I do not have a shoplifting baby and walk out of target with an item I had not paid for. Again.
I did not take a 2 week vacation from my exercise routine.
I did not think it would be funny to jump out of a closet and scare my kids and have to live with the consequences of calming them down for 30 minutes.
I do not have a daughter who knows the difference between the real remote control and impostor remote control. And real cell phone vs. impostor cell phone. Or real keys and impostor keys.
I do not have a daughter who asked to do school within the first week of summer vacation.
I did not reply that she had to go watch a cartoon or something.
I did not eat an entire bag of white chocolate covered pretzels in one day. Ok, in one sitting.
And I did not finally reach my pre-baby weight and measurement goals. (I really should have tried the no exercise and entire bag of chocolate pretzels diet sooner, huh!)
Nope. Not me.