Eli has been a part of our family for 2 years, 3 months, 3 weeks and 2 days.
I could try to put into words the way this sweet little boy has burrowed his way into my heart...but it would be inadequate.
I've written before about the dance of attachment in our process. Awkward and unnatural at times, easy and in-step at other times. The more we danced, the more it flowed. I learned him and he learned us. Sometimes (more and more often as time goes on...) there is even a beautiful twirl.
One thing recently that has bothered me on my mommy-level and has made me realize that despite the millions of miles we have come we still have more miles to go...is Eli's hesitancy to ask things of me.
Ezra comes out of his bed at night at least once a week to ask for a drink of water or to climb into bed with us because he is scared. You could set your clock to Ella's request for a popsicle after lunch. And Zoe, with her points, grunts, baby signs, and screams...asks for things all the live long day.
Eli never gets out of his bed until he wakes up in the morning. Ever.
Eli will chime in with a request once someone else has initiated the question. But he is never the initiator.
This scenario plays out a lot:
Ella: Can I have a _____________?!
Ezra: Can I have one too?!!!!
Me: Eli would you like a ____________?
I know he wants it.
I want to give it to him.
I just want him to ask for it.
Because then I know that he knows I desire good things for him. Then I know he trusts me.
I was talking to God about this during a recent quiet time, voicing frustration on how far I still have to go with my son and desiring wisdom on how to encourage this from Eli. How can I grow confidence in him to get him to the place where he will ask things of me on a regular basis?
Then, in the quiet and small yet thundering way the Holy Spirit speaks I heard the rebuke...why don't you ask me for things? I desire good things for you. I want you to be confident in me. I want your trust.
If you, then, though you are sinful, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:11
I don't care if Eli just asks me for a drink of water or to fly him to the moon, I just want him to ask. I just want him to trust me.
It doesn't matter if it is small or big, HE just wants me to ask. HE just wants me to trust HIM.
Its not even about the answer, its just about the asking. The relationship is revealed in the asking.
What are you holding back on asking?