the baby bond

I'm sitting in my bed after a morning spent hugging the porcelain bowl. Thinking about how even though I feel miserable, absolutely miserable, I am counting it all joy knowing that I have the privilege of carrying life inside of me. I would do anything for this baby I have yet to meet.

Being pregnant just six short months after adopting has brought up a lot of new thoughts about Eli's first mom. What was her pregnancy like? Was she sick a lot? Did her heart smile the first time she felt him move? Or was she sad? Overwhelmed?

And of course, that leads to questions about Eli as a baby...questions I'll never have answered.

I am forever and inexplicably linked to this woman. This first mother of my son. The one who carried him and birthed him and nursed him. And loved him. I have no doubt of the motivating factor behind her decisions.

I traced the outline of her hand in my journal when we met in Ethiopia.

I wanted a physical and tangible reminder of my responsibility to her.

To take care of our son.
To protect him.
And, mostly, to love him.


Kristen said...

Beautiful post, Jenn. I hope you feel better soon!

Stacey said...

There are no words. So beautiful.

JenJen said...

I have to tell you that I found your blog because I googled my maiden name and have been lurking for a few weeks now...

Your blog is so stunning and honest...You have such a beautiful family and congrats on your pregnancy!

This was a beautiful post and Eli is so blessed to have you as his mommy...

Anonymous said...

I love seeing your heart for the Lord and for your family. You truly are a gem and a wonderful example of the blessed grace of God in the life of a young woman. I rejoice with you in your pregnancy and the blessing you see it to be in spite of feeling sick. This child is very fortunate to be a part of such a precious family. Love you!

Becky Swann said...

What a wonderful thing being a mom!


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