To My Daughter on her Birthday

Dear Ella,

You turn four today.

Four?

Four!

Four.

I will always remember the day you were born. We caught our first glimpse of your personality and the way you do things on your own time with your thankfully uncomplicated but very surprising five week early entrance into this world.

You were so tiny.

Oh. How we loved you.

Somehow you are so big now (and yet, tiny still).

You dress yourself and feed yourself and clean up after yourself.

Still working on the wipe yourself thing!

You are creative and imaginative and decisive and quirky and oh so independent. I love to peek in on you during your roomtimes and listen in on the worlds you have created with your all your animals and little friends. I never know what you are going to be dressed in when you walk out of your room in the mornings. You now tell me exactly how you would like your hair done for the day. Oh, and the opinions you have on your shoes.

I love that you are not a people pleaser. You are intentional in your affection which make the moments that you initiate a hug or kiss or cuddle or I love you absolutely priceless.

Your curiosity both excites me and exhausts me. I no longer know the answers to all your questions. Just this week I had to look up what armadillo's eat.

(Bugs. They eat bugs.)

You read your first sentence book to me last week. Zac the rat.

(I cried.)

You (mostly) love your brother and the moments I overhear your giggles together are some of the sweetest of my life. You know that you will be getting a new brother(s)/sister(s) from "efiopia" and you pray nightly for them to come home to us soon. I can't wait to see you embrace your big sister role even more with the addition of your new siblings. You will have a lot of important things to teach them:

- The best hide and seek spots in our house
(because you are a pro hider!)

- How to play games on Daddy's i-phone
(because you know how to work it better than me!)

- To remember to always clear your plate after a meal
(because you never forget!)

Your Daddy and I (continue to) pray daily for your heart to be soft to the things of the Lord and that you will allow Him to use the strong but quiet leadership qualities we see he has put in you.

You prayed last night that you would "grow up fast" and it all but broke my heart...

For you are.

My sweet Ella...you are growing up fast.

I am grateful for the painful lesson on perspective that comes with losing a child. I cherish you and the moments I am entrusted with being your mom. I delight in the front row seat I have on watching your life and understanding of it open up to you.

Oh. How we love you.

Happy Birthday, sweet Ella McKay.

love,

Mom

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Infant Ella



















1 year old Ella














2 year old Ella














3 year old Ella



















(almost) 4 year old Ella

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