Reality. Check.

As the time gets closer I have been thinking a lot about what the reality of having Eli will mean for our family.

I alternate between two extreme emotions:

1) Excited

2) Terrified

I'm not talking about fitting into my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans kind of excitement. I am talking about the getting ready to walk down my wedding aisle variety of excitement. It is almost time! Ella and Ezra are going to have so much fun with him! He is almost here! I will get to hold him. I will get to hear his voice. My son is almost home!

And I'm certainly not talking about an "ahh, I just saw a spider" kind of fear. Rather, it's the stomach in my throat and standing immobilized in the middle of the room variety of terror. Thoughts run through my brain at lightning speed...What if he doesn't like us...What if Ezra and him fight all the time...What if life never feels normal again. Oh Lord, 16 hours on a plane with a three year old that doesn't know me, look like me, or speak my language. What are we doing?

I manage to hide the extreme moments of these emotions pretty well.

I have trained my insides to do the mackarena (however do you spell that word?) whenever I need to have a dance party and let a little excitement out. You know, at those times when it wouldn't be appropriate to break into my spastic excited dancing.

And.

I am learning to train my mind in my freak out moments to remember the reality of the love I have been shown by my Jesus. And let me tell you...I have been shown love. Oceans of it. Any amount of effort or sacrifice or awkwardness or discipline or transition I go through with Eli is nothing compared to what Christ has exerted for me. Peanuts.

The love I show him is merely an extension of the love I have experienced.

Herein lies my reality check:

Ephesians 3:16-21

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Related Items About me Adoption