Thursday Thoughts: Referral Story, part two

Click here to read part one.

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As soon as I opened the email his picture popped up.

Ooops. I'm not supposed to look yet but I can't help it now that I've seen it.

(insert how am I ever going to explain this to Jeremiah moment)

Here's where I get honest. My initial emotion when looking at his face was not instant love. There was no instant attachment. There was compassion. And curiosity. And oh my, those eyes. Those lips. He looks so tiny. How can he be three? Compassion again. More curiosity. Is this my son?

I call Jeremiah again. He knows (without my telling him) that I looked at his picture. He is not too mad at me. Shew. He is on campus at Duke and without access to his computer so I try to explain to him what he looks like. I try to explain the details of his medical details and family history.

Try is the key word. I am just so befuddled. I can't think straight. Is this what shock feels like?

Jeremiah has to go. I urge him to hurry home as soon as he can.

Somehow I manage to tear myself away from his picture and file and do some necessary things. Like pack all four of us for our trip to VA that we are supposed to be leaving for in just 2 hours.

When Jeremiah gets home he goes to the computer and we round up the kids for them to see his face all at the same time.

They all look.

I wish I could say there was that instant connection and attachment and feelings of love. But I could read Jeremiah's face and could tell he felt the same emotions I did. Compassion. Curiosity. A sense of surrealism. Is this really happening? Is this really our son?

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Stay tuned for part three...

3 comments:

Pam said...

Your genuine honesty is so refreshing...I can only imagine the thoughts of seeing a child at the first glance knowing full well you could be his mother...can't wait to hear how he tugged on your heart strings to come to the 'yes' decision!

Jennifer said...

You're not alone in that experience, believe me. Looking forward to part three!

Cami said...

I am anxiously awaiting part 3! I am so refreshed by your honesty. As the call could be any day for us, I am having anxiety over how I will feel. I, too, have seen all the warm and fuzzy videos and pictures and wonder what it will be like if I don't immediately feel a connection.

 

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